About Me: I hail from Hades; Persephone is my second cousin once removed. I love my friends, especially the ones who remind me to get dressed before I go out. I have walked the earth for centuries, but everyone says I look 39 -- 41 tops. I can be a raving cunt, but it takes too much out of me. I love Seinfeld reruns and things that go "moo." I'm big on brutal honesty, especially when it comes to nose hair. I like Splenda in everything, the smell of flower shops, holding hands and inside jokes. I'm sober and there's nothing you can do about it. I want to travel to exotic lands, like Iceland and Luxembourg. I don't like being kept waiting more than 30 seconds unless someone's death is involved, preferably not mine. I am a social hermit. David Letterman is my late-night comedy hero. I don't take things as personally as everyone thinks. I am a fantastic kisser (references available upon request). If I were a superhero, I'd dress my dog in a matching outfit. Sex is always an option, but I watch cable porn for the intellectual stimulation. I most hate living alone when I run out of toilet paper while already seated. Cheetos is (are?) the perfect depressed-white-trash food; if you see me with orange lips and fingertips, you can be certain I've been battling my lifelong fear of Disneyland. I don't live at the beach because sand fleas give me the willies. I will love you madly when we're together and completely forget about you when we're apart. My favorite words are "lobster" and "kumquat."
Most of this is true. It won't cost you much to find out.
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2 comments:
But how much EXACTLY?
...same as my going rate for everything else: $5000.00
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