Four and change years ago, I was driving to my office at CBS, listening/not listening to the radio, aswirl in thoughts about things personal and professional (plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose), and the yammering radio DJ cut through my ruminations to say something stupidly profound to me in that moment: "Note to self: Stop thinking."
I got to the office, made a post-it to that effect, stuck it on the frame of my computer screen. Later, I told the woman who ran my department (similarly besieged by her own thoughts), and she made a post-it of her own, stuck it to her phone. The notes stayed on our respective office equipment for the next year or so, until we left the network.
This memory is fresh because I still think too much. Just spent the last 48 hours running myself into the ground with it. What did I do, what should I do next, did I fuck it up, how can I fix it? What is the other person doing, thinking, wanting? Second, third and fourth-guessing. A supreme waste of time and energy.
I admire Taoism, I just haven't gotten around to practicing the precepts: to just be in the moment, not churn in the ones that have passed, or project the ones to come. (Fucking) Be Here Now.
Another random, but appropriate memory: A friend gave me and my ex-husband a box of those magnetic words for Christmas several months before we separated. After we split, I rearranged the phrases he and I had created. One of them became a poem; I can't remember all of it, just the last line: "Let it go, life will flow." Obviously, I want to let go. I talk about it enough.
Walk the walk, girl.
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