"The best remedy for dealing with a troubling past is living in the present." -Anonymous

I scribbled that quote on a yellow Post-it several months ago -- maybe it's been a year! -- and tacked it to my computer screen. A little Zen gift from dear friend Patrice, who likes to forward such bolts of wisdom; they appear in my e-mailbox now and then, like buoys in the bay, a foghorn in the mist. It is one of those truths that has served to keep me in the moment when the moment wasn't so much fun to be in...and it is one of the absolute facts that has carried me to this place, in which I am, at last, at peace with the past. A fierce and loving warrior in the present. Prepared -- even excited -- to meet the future, because the future is now. Happier than I have been in a very long time.

I shared this while riding to Griffith Park on Friday with my precious Bananafriend, and she impulsively reached over to squeeze my knee; I caught her wide smile, and heard sincere relief from a friend who has seen me through unbearable despair, and probably often wondered if I'd ever break free from the constant undercurrent of misery. She, and so many other friends (you all know who you are), are sweet harbingers of hope when I forget to believe.

My appreciation for the unique roles you each play in my life brings tears to my eyes -- the best kind of tears, that spring from the deepest part of the heart. You make me believe in everything. You are guides and channels, powerful beyond words. You each gracefully embody the Christ-like qualities of unconditional love and generosity and forgiveness, and I celebrate you this season, with the twinkling lights and shimmering ornaments of my gratitude.

Let our gifts to each other be our continuing, evolving friendships. Oh sure, I could use a DVD/VCR combo, and a laptop, and a new couch, and a year's subscription to Burke Williams, and God knows I really need new brakes in the Camry and an ergonomic office chair and computer desk and someone to come clean my house...ah, but those are mere things, and they will come when they come. And I am not diminished without them.

But I would be bereft without all of you.

Please come to me when you are in need. Please let me do for you what you've done for me.

I love you all.