"Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem." -Thomas Szasz

He goes on to say, "That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily; and why older persons, especially if vain or important, cannot learn at all."

So maybe I'm not as "vain or important" an adult woman as I sometimes think I am...because, especially after the past couple of days, I'm learning and applying valuable lessons about relationship, about owning one's own truth without compromising a compassionate heart. About clearing the air, cleaning the energy, completing cycles, calling up the kind of strength that comes from fearless honesty. About forgiveness and true love.

It doesn't mean I haven't cried in the past 36-plus hours. There have been copious tears of despair and gentle tears of gratitude. I'm struggling not to lose a relationship I've held so close and dear for almost two years...and I found out that, after nearly 6 years, I've recovered, at a very different level, one of the most intimate relationships -- and absolutely the most formative bond -- I've ever had.

I asked him what had been the most difficult thing about me to live with -- and it was the fact that I could never let go. He's right: I'd willfully chew on the flesh of the matter right down to the bone, causing him more discomfort than was truly necessary.

Funny he should say that when, not 15 hours before, I had just let go of something -- someone -- incredibly precious in my life. Just as I had let go of him, and us, almost 6 years before.

And this is not about either of them, except for the fact that they are my teachers, bringing hard blessings. This is about me, learning to practice the mantra that came to me on New Year's Eve in my meditation: Bring it on. This is a whole life; it doesn't stop at a certain age, or when we reach a particular status or have a big realization. "Bring it on." For me, it's the only motto to live by, if I want to do more than just get by.

But the young child in me wishes she didn't have to lose to learn. And the adult in me knows there's nothing to lose.