This is one of the many reasons I love my mom. She e-mails me stuff like this.

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ON THE BAND BUS

Ladies, I'll need to see some proof of age, please.

Boy, I can't wait 'till we get to Maine.

No, I could hear the monitor just fine -- I screwed up.

I walked her home, kissed her goodnight, and came straight back to the bus.

Go ahead and roll 'em down the aisle -- they're only cymbals.

Should we go back and get the drummer?

Wow! The leader nailed every tempo perfectly again tonight -- and everybody played perfectly in tune all night long -- again!

Boy, it sure is fun playing all those old Glenn Miller arrangements.

Can you believe all the money we're getting?

Man, I wish we could get the guitar player to turn up a bit louder.

Hey, who cleaned up in here, this bus smells like a spring breeze!

I sure hope we reach the next town in time for Mass.

I can't wait to get to my private hotel room so I can have eight hours' uninterrupted sleep, a swim in the pool and a couple of margaritas with my complimentary steak dinner before the gig.

Yeah, I got into music mainly because of the job security, the benefits and the opportunities for advancement...and these great bus trips, of course.

So, are you more heavily invested in balanced or growth funds?

Nice to be back in this cozy bus again, hangin' with my pals.